Does everybody remember Disney’s animated Pinocchio? No? Allow me to refresh your memory: We have a woodworker named Geppetto, who seems to be lonely, despite his weirdly human pet cat and fish. One night, he wished he had a child. And then, the Blue Fairy (not to be mistaken for the Green Fairy) kind of, sort of grants him that wish. She turns the wooden puppet he carved into a living creature. If that’s not weird enough and you wanted more excitement, then you are in luck. Turns out that Pinocchio has horrible judgement and continuously does the wrong thing. After leaving home because he’s a gullible bastard, he finally returns home after saving his “father” from the belly of a whale, and the Blue Fairy turns him into a real boy.

That’s the film in a nutshell. Is that bringing back any memories? How about this?

That scene continues to give me nightmares to this day. It’s right up there with the “Pink Elephants on Parade” segment from Dumbo.

Also, Jiminy Cricket does not deserve that “Official Conscience” badge. He’s the worst conscience. He doesn’t help Pinocchio avoid any of his ultimately bad decisions. His badge needs to clarify that he’s an “Official Bad Conscience”.

Besides the nightmare inducing Pleasure Island scene, the song “Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee (An Actor’s Life for Me)” being one of the most annoying/catchiest songs, and the voice of Geppetto, Christian Rub, being a Nazi sympathizer, I do quite enjoy this film. It does, after all, contain the song that used to bring me to tears as a child when we would leave Disney World. It still brings me to tears.