90s Flashback: Anaconda (1997)

If you all know at least one thing about me by now, it’s that I freaking love 1990s action films. Nine times out of ten they are cheesy and ignore science completely and I am in love with them. 1997’s Anaconda is no exception.

Let’s talk about the fact that the CGI snake cost $100,000 every second that it was on screen and it is still one of the worst CGI animals I have ever seen. Even the actual animatronic snake wasn’t done well. It’s all so laughable.

Literally no effort went into making this even a semi-realistic snake.

You know what else is laughable? Jon Voight’s accent during this entire film. I think it is supposed to be a French accent, but I honestly cannot tell. Also, what is his entire character’s motivation? Is Serone wanting to use these people as live bait to catch the snake? Because that’s the only thing that I can come up with. Was he turning into a snake in the end of the film? Because that’s sure as hell what it looked like.

This was supposed to be a vehicle for Jennifer Lopez’s film career, right? Am I mistaken? If it was, it was a poorly executed one. Thank goodness she did Selena that same year.

What’s even crazier than Jon Voight’s performance in this film is that they managed to make four sequels to Anaconda, one of which is a crossover with one of my other favorite cheesy action films, Lake Placid. Honestly, I did not know about that last one until I just looked it up, and now I kind of really want to watch it. If I do, I’ll be sure to report back.

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I love the hell out of this stupid movie. 

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