There was a really weird couple of years in the early 2000s where it seemed like every horror franchise decided that the best way for them to advance the series was to do a film in space. The Friday the 13th series was not exempt from this rule, unfortunately. So, we’ve been blessed (cursed?) with Jason X. This film is a masterclass in bad screenwriting and completely disregards anything Friday the 13th related. 

Jason X opens in the year 2008, and Camp Crystal Lake is now a research facility. The plan is to cryogenically freeze Jason Voorhees because apparently they’ve tried to kill him a bunch and that guy just won’t freaking die. Oh, and David Cronenberg is there for some reason. Don’t ask me why. Anyway, freezing Jason works, but only after he kills a bunch of people and freezes a human being along with him. They’re discovered later in the year 2453 by a group of students and their professor. It’s never made clear why any of them were even there in the first place or what the exact nature of their studies are. It’s just merely presented as “science”. There’s a moment during this sequence that has bothered me now for at least 12 hours and that is when one of the students gets his arm completely severed from his body by a frozen, falling Jason Voorhees, and somehow, Jason Vorhees does not shatter. I only mention this because later in the film, other things are shown cryogenically frozen and then they shatter when impacted. By that logic, Jason Voorhees should have been shattered into a million pieces. Then, boom, movie over and we would all be spared that weird professor/student “sex” scene. The only reason I put the word sex in quotation marks is because his student, in order to “negotiate” her midterm grade, does not, in fact, have sex with her professor, and instead just pinches his nipple real hard with some weird ass medical instrument. The whole scene is bizarre and I hate that I’m still thinking about it. 

The way Jason X is filmed makes it feel like a mid-2000s CW show. It’s atrocious. And, as much writer Todd Farmer may want to think otherwise, his dialogue is anything but clever. It’s clunky and cliche. And, it’s very clear that the only thing he knew about the Friday the 13th franchise is that Jason Voorhees is majorly triggered by premarital sex amongst young people. It’s literally what brings him back to life in this film. 

The virtual reality bit is just thrown in there and it’s clear that the 1980s Camp Crystal Lake bit was just in there for the nudity. Honestly, though, Jason killing the two virtual teenage girls the way that he did made me genuinely laugh out loud. That shit was hilarious.

I feel like the only positive thing I can say about this film is that when the nanotechnology is used on Jason, he ends up looking badass as hell. But, that’s it. That’s all I got. 

Oh, and let’s not forget the ridiculous ending to the film, where Jason is blasted through space, then pushed down to Earth Two by another crew member of the ship. They’re then both seen by two teenagers by a lake, who think they’ve just seen a shooting star. 

 

This film is such a shit show and absolutely should only ever be watched under the blanket of nightfall.