Something Has Been Bothering Me For Literally Years.

There are so many things about the film The Santa Clause and the series as a whole that just makes no sense whatsoever. 

I know what you’re thinking: “Kristen, it’s a Christmas movie. Most things don’t make sense in Christmas movies.” And to that, I say, you are correct. HOWEVER, The Santa Clause has so many plot holes, that I can’t look past them any longer and they need to be addressed. 

The Santa Clause‘s plot relies on the belief that Santa Claus is not real. That’s established right away. But, it is then proven that he does, in fact, exist and leaves presents under the tree on Christmas Eve. Who in the hell do the parents think are leaving the presents under the tree that they clearly did not buy themselves? Am I to believe that no husband/wife duo talks to each other? They just assume the gifts are from the other and never discuss it again? How does that not get brought up several hours later on Christmas Day when mom and dad are drunk off mimosa’s at their Christmas party? 

Now, I know that one of the central themes comes from the line “Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing”. I get that. Santa Clause GIFs | TenorBut, for the love of everything holy, I have never understood why Scott Calvin doesn’t just shave in front of somebody, and then that person would see his giant beard just grow back like magic. Because, at the point in the film that this is happening, Scott Calvin is not a believer. Therefore, he wouldn’t believe that whole “Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing” thing. In this case, SEEING IS VERY MUCH BELIEVING. Instead, he’d rather have his ex-wife think he is mentally disturbed and completely lose custody of his son, Charlie. 

Speaking of Scott Calvin’s ex-wife, Laura, she burns the papers from the custody court order in the fireplace. As if that makes it legally okay for Scott to see his son. Scott better make sure that shit was taken care of correctly before he pisses off Laura or Neil and they use that to take Charlie back, ya know? 

In regards to the series as a whole, I have some questions. The late great Peter Boyle plays Scott Calvin’s boss, Mr. Whittle. In The Santa Clause 2 and The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Boyle plays Father Time. This is never addressed. That’s the story I want: how you go from being a top executive at a toy company to becoming the literal Father Time. What kind of deal with the devil did Mr. Whittle make?

I’d be willing to bet that it wasn’t a good deal.

Now, The Santa Clause 2 establishes that Santa Claus cannot be unmarried. But, at this point, Scott Calvin has been Santa Claus for literally 8 years. Why now? Why on year 9? Why not at least year 10? That’s a better number. The clause, itself, doesn’t give any deadline, anyway. Using that information that there has to be a Mrs. Claus then that means one of two things: 1. The Santa that Scott Calvin scared off his roof had not yet married, meaning he was a fairly new Santa or 2. There was a Mrs. Claus and she either disappeared when Santa did or, unthinkably, the elves (most likely Bernard as he is Head Elf) had to kill her. Because, if her Santa no longer existed, then how could she? Let’s hope it’s the former. Although, imagine being that woman. Did anybody ever tell her that that could happen? My money’s on no. 

And, I’m not even going to touch on the misogynistic nightmare of The Santa Clause 2. That’s for a whole other day. 

Moving on to The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, why does Jack Frost change the name of Christmas, after going back in time and becoming Santa Claus himself? Like, he’s Santa. Everybody loves him already. In this film universe, Santa is literally the symbol for the holiday (and in this universe, who am I kidding?). There’s no need to change the holiday to “Frostmas”. At least make the name “Santamas” or something that includes the name Santa Claus because Tumblr: Imagethat’s literally who Jack Frost has become. Also, Jack Frost needs to chill (pun intended). He has a his own animated Christmas special (drawn by Ub Iwerk’s, nonetheless), he has a film that stars Michael Keaton, and he has a 1979 Rankin and Bass special, and Ranking and Bass specials are all that really matter when talking about the holidays. Jack Frost even has a horror film. Dude needs to take a deep breath. Shit. 

Anyway, none of this really matters in the grand scheme of things because it’s just a Christmas movie and so many Christmas movies have plot holes. I know this. But, at least I can now rest easy knowing I got this out of my brain and into the hands of you fine people. 

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